How to pray when you have done wrong

What did David pray?

¹Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions.

²Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.

³For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me.

⁴Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight— That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.

The heading of Psalm 51 ties it to the time when the prophet Nathan came to David after he had taken Bathsheba. Read 2 Samuel 11 and 12 for the whole story, including what David did to her husband Uriah. In the psalm David does not explain or soften anything. He names it, and he appeals to God's lovingkindness.

“Against You, You only, have I sinned” does not mean Bathsheba and Uriah were not wronged. They were. Many readers take it to mean that every wrong, whoever it hurts, is also a wrong before God.

Is there really forgiveness?

⁸If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

⁹If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

John wrote this letter to churches he cared for. The promise sits inside a warning: do not pretend you have no sin. Forgiveness rests on God being “faithful and just”. It does not depend on how bad you feel or how well you word your prayer.

Why does keeping quiet feel so heavy?

³When I kept silent, my bones grew old Through my groaning all the day long.

⁴For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer. Selah

⁵I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

Psalm 32 describes what silence did to David. It wore him down, day and night. When he acknowledged his sin, he was forgiven. Many people know that weight, and the relief of finally saying it out loud.

Should you put things right with people too?

Often, yes. Jesus put making peace with someone you have wronged ahead of worship.

²³Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,

²⁴leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Where it is safe and wise, apologise, return what you took, or repair what you can. Where contact would cause more harm, talk it through with a pastor or a trusted counsellor first.

What can you ask for after you confess?

¹⁰Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

¹¹Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

¹²Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

David asks for more than a clean record. He asks for a clean heart, a steady spirit, God's presence and the return of joy. You can ask for the same.

How can you confess?

1. Name what you did in plain words. Avoid “if I did anything wrong”.
2. Say who it hurt.
3. Ask God to forgive you, and thank Him that He is faithful.
4. Ask for help to change, and for courage to put right what you can.

For example: “Father, I lied to my sister and let her take the blame for what I did. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Give me a clean heart, and the courage to tell her the truth. Amen.” This is a prepared example. Use your own plain words about what happened.

If you would like help putting it into words, write a prayer. If you are not sure where to start, read what to pray when you do not know what to say.