How to pray when you are grieving

Does God mind if you come to Him crying?

¹⁷The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.

¹⁸The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 34 is a song of David. Its heading ties it to a frightening time when he was on the run and had to pretend to be mad to escape. The psalm makes a plain claim: the LORD is near to the broken-hearted. It does not say the heart has to mend first.

What did Jesus do at a graveside?

³³Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled.

³⁴And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”

³⁵Jesus wept.

³⁶Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

Read John 11:1-44. Jesus came to Bethany already knowing He would raise Lazarus. He still wept with Mary and the people mourning beside her. His tears were not a lack of faith. Grief and hope stood side by side in that moment, and He did not hurry the mourners past their sorrow.

Is it wrong for a Christian to grieve?

¹³But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.

¹⁴For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

Paul wrote to a young church in Thessalonica that was troubled about believers who had died. He did not tell them to stop grieving. He told them not to sorrow “as others who have no hope”. Christians grieve, and they grieve holding on to the hope that Jesus died and rose again. If you are unsure what to hope for the person you have lost, you can bring that weight to God honestly too.

Do you have to grieve alone?

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

Paul wrote this to a whole church, not to one person. Weeping together is part of ordinary Christian life. Tell a friend, a pastor or a small group what has happened, and let them pray for you on the days you cannot.

How can you begin to pray?

1. Say the name of the person you have lost. You do not need to explain anything else.
2. Tell God one thing you miss. A small detail is enough: a voice on the phone, a chair at the table.
3. Ask for what you need today: sleep, strength for one task, someone to sit with you.
4. If you cannot pray at all, read Psalm 34:17-18 aloud and let it stand in for your own words.

For example: “Father, I miss her. I do not know how to get through today without her. Stay near me, because You are near to the broken-hearted. Help me through this one day. Amen.” This is a prepared example, not a promise that grief will lift on a timetable.

What if the grief does not lift?

Grief often comes in waves, for months or years, and there is no schedule you are failing to keep. If it stops you sleeping, eating or getting through the day for a long time, talk to a doctor or a grief counsellor. Asking for that help is not a lack of faith.

If you would like help finding words, write a prayer about the person you have lost. You can also read what to pray when you do not know what to say.